Everything happens for a reason.
If it’s meant to be, it will be.
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
The only thing that causes every nerve in my body to scream all at once more than an inspirational quote offered during a tough time in life is the sound of someone chewing with their mouth open. Or just chewing noisily, for that matter, because there are people out there who can make eating a peanut butter sandwich sound like a symphony of nails on a chalkboard in my brain. Scientists have actually named this particular condition misophonia, which causes people to have emotional or physiological responses to certain sounds that some might perceive as unreasonable given the circumstance. It’s so reassuring to know that WebMD has confirmed that all of those smacks to the back of my brothers’ heads as they noisily ate their food growing up were actually out of my control. Is there anything more satisfying than deflecting blame?
Whenever I’m at a low point in life or I’m dealing with something stressful or difficult, the endless barrage of inspirational quotes, hashtags, Pinterest boards, memes, you-name-it make me want to lose my mind, Tasmanian Devil style. My sweet friend Jeanette always has a slew of these sayings on hand when the going gets tough. But when I was crutching around my yoga studio with a broken foot and staring down the barrel of losing my business and my sanity, any time she tried to throw out an uplifting snippet I lovingly wanted to punch her in the face. I know these are meant well and supposed to be helpful, but my soul has had enough chicken soup for a lifetime.
The personal growth market has become a $10 billion dollar industry. There is a reason that there is an endless litany of inspirational books, Ted Talks, podcasts, and blogs out there to help us all find a way to pull ourselves out of the lowest points in our lives and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But what if seeing the light scares the hell out of you?
I recently broke my foot for the third time. I was moving into my new place, unpacking while drinking a bottle of wine and walked right into a box full of books, breaking two toes and landing me in a walking boot for the next six weeks. My therapist asked me if I thought there was something the universe was trying to tell me, a lesson to be learned from this situation. Are you kidding me? I was pissed off. I didn’t want to try to see the glass as half full, I wanted to throw it as hard as possible into the closest wall. I was entitled to my miserable attitude because look at what happened to me!
Therein lies the problem in my life. Things are always happening to me. Just when I feel like things are going well, something outside of myself and beyond my control happens to me and derails my happiness. Being a victim of circumstance is such a heavy cross to bear.
It’s time to call bullshit. Yes, sometimes in life I am a victim of circumstances, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. But for me, being a victim is a lot different than staying the victim. I don’t want to hear inspirational quotes when I’m pissed off because then I have to try to feel better. I don’t want to find meaning in the hard times because then I might have to take some responsibility for how I got there. I would certainly have to own my attitude and outlook if I chose to learn my lessons and grow as a person from the experience. All of that sounds exhausting. JUST LET ME LIVE IN MY MISERY.
Back in 2014, the night before New Year’s Eve, Jeanette called me up to chat. I had just been evicted from my beautiful yoga studio and forced to relocate it to a much smaller, hardly upscale location. I had just filed bankruptcy and could not possibly be feeling any sorrier for myself. She asked me what I was doing for New Year’s. I told her that I was going to open a bottle of wine (of course) and stay in and watch a movie. This time, she didn’t throw out an inspirational quote in an attempt to lift me up. She yelled into the phone, “OMG stop being a fucking martyr!”
That was it. That’s what I needed to hear. After I hung up, I thought about what she said. I texted three of my single friends and asked what everyone was doing the next night. Turns out we all had plans to stay in, so instead we got dressed up and went out, and we had an absolute blast together.
Jeanette and I still laugh sometimes about how that could have gone the other way. I could have been hurt or angry at her and taken it as a lack of empathy for everything that “happened” to me. The thing is, she pulled me out of my misery that day. Even now, Jeanette is the voice of reason in my head. She’s the inspirational quote that pulls me out of the depths of self-pity.
The self-help market is a $10 billion dollar industry for a reason. We all want to feel better, do better, be better and sometimes we need help to get there. And that’s ok. When the weight of the world feels unbearable, we all need to find something to remind us that the light really is at the end of the tunnel. The beauty of humanity is that we’re not all the same. So, while #inspiration might induce a Hulk-style fury, figure out what works for you. Find your Jeanette and use that swift kick in the ass to stop being a fucking martyr.
Mocktail Moxie 